The Pain which will not go unmentioned

You know, I really skipped a lot between posts. I never told of the acute, intense pain I felt that first weekend of detox. And the first work week without sugar and caffeine was seriously so hard.

So, my last caffeine was that Friday. I wrote about my big mug of English Breakfast. The next three days after that were mind-numbingly awful. I'd get up, have breakfast, and then just lie on the couch. It was all I could do. I felt bad - just, well, bad. Like when you have the flu, and you just feel that kernel of blackness inside that keeps you still, and wishing like hell you didn't take all those healthy days for granted. But you did, didn't you? All those normal days of getting up out of bed, putting clothes on, brushing your teeth, conversing with other humans in a personable manner. Going about your business, getting things accomplished with an ease so natural, it never even makes an impression on you. That reality is gone for the moment. You are left with dread and pain. I felt as if I might have an inkling what it is like to detox off of hard drugs. I mean, you eat sugar with wild abandon for forty years and then stop one day. It's intense.

That lasted through Sunday. Monday I had to get up and go to work. To make matters worse, it was a relatively stressful week at work. I had to actually design something and not just build files. Trying to think was crazy hard. I was in a painful fog anytime I tried it. I couldn't find the right words, I wanted to cry. God. That is the reason I am actually kind of scared of sugar now. That's why it was pretty easy getting through Valentine's day without candy. All I have to do is think how awful that week was, and I don't even want to taste the stuff for fear I will have to feel like that again.

That was two weeks ago. I'm very adjusted. I still have the occasional dream of pizza, (no really, I had a bittersweet dream where I was eating pizza and feeling guilty about it) and I do very much crave cornbread from the Delta Cafe. I'm looking forward to my next appointment on March 1st, because we may be able to add fruit back into my diet. FRUIT! Holy crap. It's going to taste a-may-zing.

A sample diet for any old day, in case you were wondering:
Breakfast: two eggs, cooked all different ways, sometimes with bacon, sometimes with veggies. But always two eggs.
Lunch: gigantic salad with tons of stuff thrown in; olives, water chestnuts, mortadella slices, whatever.
Dinner: vegetable/chicken soup or Amy's black bean chili, or some kind of meat cooked up with vegetables. One of our faves is pork medallions with kale and parsnips.

I have lost 5 lbs without trying. A nice side effect.

I think I will go visit the coffee place downstairs for a cup of decaf tea. I need a little shot of normal.